Bittersweet

I first titled this summer of bummer but that was just too "poor me". Bittersweet is a little better.

Ok, for starters, we are sooooooooooo lucky for sooooooooo many things. I received some shocking news today. I was laid off. I was expecting my boss to inquire about when I was coming back but instead was told my position was eliminated. We are so lucky that we weren't reliant on my benefits for us/Owen, as well as my income being the sole income. I am very sad and frustrated as I have working for Mercy for over 5 years. I feel that this was out of my manager's control, however that doesn't make this any easier. I'm over the ego part, but I am sad about the way that this has ended. I won't get to go and brag about Owen to my co-workers or let people know what really happened...It's like I left on maternity leave and poof..gone! That sense of finality is non-existant. I have worked so hard to have good relationships with the MD's, RN's, and staff, and that takes time to establish.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and that I wasn't wanting to rush back to work anyway. I am so glad to have this "extra" time with Owen, and we will get into all sorts of trouble together. This has to be a blessing in disguise--guess I don't have to worry about having holidays off this year :).

My boss did mention that if/when I was ready to go back to work that a supplemental position could become available for me....I did that for 2 years already and that would possibly work out well with Chris's schedule...But who knows. I feel like I have paid some dues already and starting over again would be a step in the opposite direction. I kept saying that "I just got started" with working, and looks like I will have to get started again...This also isn't the time in the economy to be choosy.

Anyway, just rambling a bit about this... it really is bittersweet.

An Owen update- he has been gaining about an ounce/day and Chris and I are gearing up to replace his ng tube one of these days...May plan a mini photoshoot around it to get some more tube-less pics. Feeds continue to be inconsistent. He takes up to 20 minutes of breastfeeding, up to 55ml of bottle time, or 10 mls and a scrunchy nose at my breast. He is all over the place, and we are keeping a detailed log about what is best. We are still learning but hope that his weight gain will bring his respiratory rate down sooner than later. He is grumpy about drinking the fortified breastmilk now and seems to get more tummy aches from it in the ng tube. He is smiling more and more each day and getting better at "playtime", was happy and awake for about 45 minutes yesterday playing in his crib on his own!

Over the weekend Papa Rich came up from SF and the Papa and Nana Britton were up from AZ. It was nice to have all the grandparents around. He also got to meet Great Granny and Lois.

Chris started back to work last week and thank goodness he just went for 2 days. It was nice for us to see how it was going to work. It went well and he gave me friday night "off" and I went down to Folsom to go to a Zumba class with Wynt. We have been working as such a team in all this, us each providing about 50% of Owen's care. So it was an adventure for me to do 90% of it for 48+hours! I'm gearing up for him going back for 2 12's, one off, and then 2 more. That will be a challenge for me but I'm looking forward to going on some adventures with Owen. I have already clipped his tube feeding bag to the stroller, and the mirror in the car. We can't let those hour long feedings stop us or slow us down too much!

Just when you start to get comfortable in life things change...Signing off as a stay at home momma! Gotta love it--look at that smile and chubbier cheeks! Work will always be around, but this time with O is limited!