Carefree snuggle time

After an appointment with Owen we stopped at a nursery. The nursery was located at an intersection where across the street was one of my favorite bakeries. It is a gluten free/vegan bakery, which my diet is not, but they make darn good eats. So Owen and I did something we usually don't do together...TWO stops out in the world. It is a challenge during his feed to be on the road, let alone unhook him, unload him, re-hook him back up, run the feed, then unhook, and then re-hook and reload him back into the car. Also we have been minimizing his contact with the outside world at much as possible, so he doesn't make many errand runs with either of us. This whole process is made easier by two instrumental pieces of equipment: 1. The plastic claw hair clip 2. The BOB stroller. #1 makes it possible to hang his feeding bag from basically anything, and in our 10 months, we have hung it from light fixtures, dining chairs, jumpers, car seats, and the ever popular BOB stroller. Which brings me to #2. I am a frugal person. I will think and rethink any purchase. Given my passion for exercise and the rants and raves of other BOB stroller owners, we made the purchase of the stroller (at first a little hesitantly, admittedly, due to the cost) from REI before Owen was even here. I have never looked back. It is an amazing creation, and it is a garden cart, mail toter, grocery cart (went grocery shopping with Wynt once after a run with Owen) and egg collector, in addition to concealing Owen as well as providing many areas to hang his feeding bag on. I recently hosed it down and it looks brand new. It was getting dirty from our daily walks or runs on the country roads, and wow, we are ready for some real roads now, ha!

Back to the story... So I decided to go out of my comfort zone and take Owen to 2 different places while feeding... thanks to #1 and #2. I still had to do the unhooking and unloading but once he was in the BOB I was happy to push him through the nursery and peruse the plants available for Mothers day. (Just can't blog "real time" anymore). We enjoyed the fresh air, and spent a little time there. Now I was getting hungry and had already planned on a bakery lunch. Yes the dietitian in me knows that this is something that just should never be done. But the dietitian in me also knows that 'never' in a diet doesn't exist, and these things sure are fun to do. So Owen and I crossed over the street and made our way to the bakery. If you are curious, it is called Anza Gluten Free bakery. I made my cinnamon roll selection, and was good to go. Owen and I were sure proud of ourselves. If only there was a grocery store that we could walk to we could really get some stuff done! I parked the BOB by the truck, and stopped his feed to unhook him from it to put him back into his carseat. In the process of doing this something set Owen off into a gagging fit, and I was reaching for the nearest burpcloth. These are a dime a dozen in our household, and there were many ready for action. I sat in the back seat of the truck, in the parking lot, holding Owen, and trying to talk him down. It was too late. He was gagging and having his mucous up then a vomit. They have been a little more forceful lately, but as I was making that mental note, the tube started coming out of his nose-inches- as he was gagging. I pushed it back in with the burp cloth, but I hadn't had time to sanitize my hands to get a grab on it. With his next gag it came out all the way to the number 8cm. For a reference, to make it down into his stomach, it is at 34cm down. At that point I figured that the tube was probably hanging in the back of his throat and just pulled it all the way out. His feed was almost done anyway, and his meds weren't due for another 2 hours. I loaded him into his seat, buckled him in, and he fell asleep, exhausted from all of the gagging. Didn't have to re-hook him back up that time... Cruising home, with him asleep tubeless in the back, and me noshing on my scrumptious cinnimon roll, I couldn't help but be a little sad. I felt myself getting in a little "I wish" conversation with myself... These are very dangerous if you have ever had them. I find them helpful if the conversations are kept very, very short. Allow yourself to vent, say what you wish, and then allow that to pass and be glad for and love what you have. So in this brief conversation with myself, I wished, so much, to not have Owen gag and vomit repeatedly daily, and to not have to place an ng tube on him, and for him to not feel any of these traumas. But these are real, and these are his and our normal now, as much as we have wished for "normal," this is our own normal. Our tiredness of Owen's gags and vomits with each sneeze or cough, or in bed, waking him up, stems from how hard it is on him. This train of thought screeched to a stop when I picked up the mail on the way home and had a lovely surprise from Aunt Syl and Uncle Doug. The tears of happiness came forth and I became glad for what was coming next. Yes, it was replacing the ng tube. But before that, I got to snuggle and dance and cuddle with Owen. Not once did I have to worry about where the tube was, if it was caught on anything, or if it was open or closed. We usually have to put the tube back in fairly quickly after it is out due to needing to give him meds or a meal, so it was such a special time, a carefree time. It was just him and I on the deck, laughing, and enjoying the sunshine. It was one of my favorite times which may otherwise not have happened. I also took some of the best pictures EVER with or without the tube. Here are some of my favorites.