Dia de los Muertos

I usually celebrate Dia de los Muertos. I love the idea of honoring those who have passed. I also always grow marigolds and they are the traditional flower used in shrines in Mexico. This was the first year in many I didn't set up a shrine.  In past years I've pulled out photos of those who have passed, set a vase with flowers, lit a candle, sometimes made lists of those who've passed in my life and others close to me~and truly oved my little wannabe version of this holiday honoring those who have passed. Because I love to reminisce. Almost as much as making new memories. this is true! With Owen's recent successful procedure I was keeping it light and focusing on those living, and honoring the living and the breath in every moment.

This week I lost a girlfriend. Her mom called me two days ago~ and said those horrible words a parent never wants to say "We lost Carolyn this morning." I don't even know what I mumbled to her but I was so grateful for a call. Carolyn and I went to CSUS together, went though our RD internship together, were neighbors through those years, and stayed in touch through various moves, her kidney transplant, her dad's cancer treatment, her never boring love life, me having kids, and her getting engaged and planning her wedding. We spent so much time together commuting to Stockton and school for the internship. We also would carpool to the gym nearby at least 3 times per week for about 2 years... This girl was an energizer bunny and you would "never know" that she had any chronic health issues...Did I mention she also had 3 kidney transplants? This girl was truly one of a kind. I don't know if I'm really feeling describing all of this in words it doesn't really do justice to what going on or what she has gone through. She truly was a person who really lived each day like her last~ always down for whatever~ always looking for the positive~and in a subtle way that just came natural to her. She would joke about her treatments but not in a denial type of joking as some do, but just really making light of it, and really seeing the humor in things.

We shared some really amazing memories. I can't wait to write them all down and go through our friendship and then give the written memories and photos to her mom and dad. I'll never forget when she called me in the middle of the night when she got her perfect match kidney! (her third...her first was when she was ~2 years old). That was one of the best calls of my life~ I will never ever forget that adrenaline. This is really a very brief synopsis of our friendship, there are so many memories~

I have lost people before. Mostly older people. I lost a pregnant friend and her baby 2 years ago, days before Arabelle was born. That was a tricky time to lose a peer, but I was the lucky one with a healthy baby and a beating heart. Danielle and baby T were very special and I think of them often, especially right before Ara's birthday. We were co workers who compared our growing bellies and pregnancy ailments.

I'm not going to go through my losses~ we all have them~ I'm just rambling on like I can on the screen. The night I found out about Carolyn I was really wanting more~ you are left hanging when someone passes~ as soon as the kids were down I turned quickly to the computer where I started to peruse photos. Carolyn and I had the love for photo taking in common~ we got together many nights and scrapbooked, crafted, made cards, sewed, etc. So there was that! It was such a treat to look through almost 10 year old photos of us, and remember how hard we laughed!! I seriously cannot convey Carolyn as well as I would like to (I called her C-bear... As at the time when Carolyn and I were very close Chris and I were watching the entirety of the show Scrubs. The character JD called his best friend Brown Bear (he was African American) and with Carolyn and Chels both starting with C I just called her C-bear. Anyway, back to the photos. I'm going to share a few of my favorite. I'm also never going to stop taking photos! These I cling to! These are the moments!

She came to a triathalon I did and then we went to a Rivercats Game. Cousin DJEJ put our names up! This photo was framed in her house!

 Coming up to meet Owen.

 Cbear and O snuggles

 So much fun wine tasting for Chris's birthday at Boeger (she may have had a sip or two, literally!)

 She made it to Owen's first birthday party- look at her smile! Lights up the room.

 This one is probably one of my all time favorite moments with Carolyn and also happens to be a photo. After she finished the RD internship and exam she moved to Napa for an exciting new start. She loved working with the veterans, and had such a great sense of humor with them. She also was pretty strict in a Carolyn way~ with diet instruction.

This particular photo was on a timer and we were joking that a vet on a lark was going to take out one of us--they drive so fast out there and there are sloping hills. Literally as the camera was counting to 10 one whizzed passed us and we were laughing so hard...AND one sweet person in the background also made it into our giddy photo. We could not contain ourselves. Oh so many laughs with her.

 Same day, eating at a yummy restaurant in Napa. She joked that she lived in the wine capital and didn't drink so she ordered a glass to sip and blend in. She reacts to red wine so she got a little splotchy but she did allright.

 Measuring my huge belly

 More recently meeting Arabelle. This was the last time I saw her~ in late June. She had cervical cancer, diagnosed this year, which was "gone" when this photo was taken. I spoke with her last month and it had come back... She was getting treatments. Her text last week said her labs looked so great that they sent her home, and that she got the headwrap I made her and mailed. She sent me a photo of her wearing it. Our last exchange.

I will think of you every time I eat fro yo, see a lark, scrapbook or get crafty with paper, drink hansens soda instead of champagne, pet a pug dog, exercise on the elliptical. You knew how to live! 

Carolyn wanted everyone to be a donor, she lived so well between each kidney transplant, she took care of them so well, and loved every day she had. She followed her doctors orders to a T, and always exercised. She was in amazing shape, going to classes at the gym was one of our favorite things to do together. 

My heart is aching with and for her parents, fiancée, and sister. She lived with them when we were seeing each other so often so I became close with them as well. They sure raised someone to be proud of~

She is so missed.